Need The Urge

I hate it when i need to face something that i dont plan to,.. i dont have courage to stop o say no to that as it is being planned for me to suit it,.. yup i agreed dat the urge is no longer there, at first i thought i can do more n learn more,.. after sometimes i felt oh~ dis is sooooooooo not me! after leaving design works (only doing part time) for about 2 years i think m not me anymore,.. i prefer to do baking n oso crafting beads & 'bunga hantaran' than my works @ office,... ~oh noooooo m not sinking yet! i thought i can live longer here, but the more i try to survive the more i feel m suffocating,.. (please help me) m knowing tooo much, toooo much to keep those 'hearts thing' LOCK inside me! if m not involving those may be am not having such feelings! Those accounts make me sick,.. my interest was not there! i once took account when i was in secondary school (SCIPP) but failed in every exam n i droped the subject for my SPM,... but now! haiyaaaaaa,.. m missing sooooo much my designer life! i love to be back late wif design workss, m keen to do o works on saturday n sunday while others have their quality off day,.. ooooh m missing them soooo much~ (LR Design n NR Interior Design - mase tuh mmg kurus laaaa) i hope i can turn back time and say no to ABAH when he ask me to work wif him,.. may be at that time he had planned for something else for me,.. but i dont have the urge to do those wif my own! the environment was not helping me! yeah m tooo much for asking after all he had gave,.. but m thinking of my future n my life, i dont wnt to end it here,.. theBAKERY is on the other plan, but m missing those designing,.. my skills going down the graph,.... hope not reaching -ve graph yet,... douh~